The Parental Struggle to Balance Safety and Independence

As a parent, you have set many goals for your children.  You aspire to the idea that you will help them to be all that they can be…and then some!  Your vision is of a happy childhood with only wonderful memories to recall as an accomplished adult.  Now, there is this diagnosis of epilepsy.  This is more than just a bump in the road.  And, this may be a lifelong struggle.  Well, all of those dreams and hopes do not need to vanish.  They should not vanish.  The road has become less straight, less even.  But, whose road is?  The view along the ride is just slightly different and is weighted heavily with your concerns for safety.  This is understandable.  But, creating a vulnerable child, one who is completely dependent, with no sense of individualism need not be on the horizon.  Your choices now would do well to reflect their need to become a whole person, interactive, productive and autonomous whenever and wherever possible.

• Start immediately.  Learn everything you can about epilepsy and their seizures. Understand what the safety risks are, what activities need to be avoided, and what activities your child can engage in with minimal or no risk. 
• Help your child to develop the skills they need to make good choices.  Getting there will require them to have a reasonable understanding of their epilepsy and the negative consequences of bad choices.  This can begin at any age.
• Foster their abilities.  Building on their strengths will help you to find leisure activities that they will enjoy and won’t involve a safety risk.
• Offer alternatives.  There are going to be times when your child will want to participate in an activity that is risky for them simply because they have seizures.  Anticipate.  Be ready to offer options, again relying on their abilities to persuade a move from one interest to another.
• Enlist the support of their healthcare team.  Take advantage of medical appointments with their neurologist. Speak to them about your concerns, and offer your child an opportunity to discuss activities and restrictions directly with their doctor or epilepsy nurse. 
• Self-esteem is fundamental to a fulfilled life.  As difficult as it will be, avoiding overprotection will prevent isolating your child and give him or her social opportunities they need to grown into a capable and happy adult.